And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
