she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
