I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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