We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had sex on a roof
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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