are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
