she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
