I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
