i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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