Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
