he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
