we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
