dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
