Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
