dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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