He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
