The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
