He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
