My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
