Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
