I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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