My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...