Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
