I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We talked him into tasing himself.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels