i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
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It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.