I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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