Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
