The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My bed smells like the plague
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
