I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me