hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.