i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online