I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
