Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
