He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
