So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
