If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
