Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
