is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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