the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
