I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
