On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
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In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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