Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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