you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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