Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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