Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
