Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
