I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
