i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sext me about skeletons
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
