I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
