Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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