I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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