Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
