so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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