You made me cry and you don't even care
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize