my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
