It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
