No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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