We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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