if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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