the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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