I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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