I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
