Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
