careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
