3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
