New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
NoShamevember. You game?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
