Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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