from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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