At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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