Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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