"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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