Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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