I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
