Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
