I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
