my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
