drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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