How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
