Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
