It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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