I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
