I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
