so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
