dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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