She's JV to your varsity
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
