Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
