My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
