I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
