So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
