ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
