Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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