I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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