No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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