you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
