My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
