Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
