tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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