Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We need a shit load of segways right now
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
